The Best Way to Eat a Mango...

With your bare hands.

Using a fork is too polite.

Get your fingers dirty. It's allowed. It's fun. It's freeing. Makes you feel playful. And alive. And messy. And, yes, messy is good. Try it.

Make sure you lick your fingers afterwards. Don't wipe 'em with a cloth. Lick them.

Remember licking off the dough from mum's bowl, fighting over it with your siblings to get your little grubby hands on it? Remember that first comforting moreish lick?

Remember playing water fights, pillow fights, snow fights, playing in the sand, in the rain - not caring if you got soaked through, or got feathers in your hair, or sand in your mouth, or if mud became your middle name? When it really didn't matter if mum threw a complete fit when she saw the state of you?

That's the kind of abandon you need when eating a mango.


mango.FReak

If I Had a Magic Wand...

...this is what I'd like to do...

1) travel to at least one continent (or two) tasting the different varieties of mangoes!

2) use my love of mangoes to help people (for e.g., to economically empower women in the (re)developing world by helping them gain a share of mango plantations)

3) organise a community mango festival every year (with the proceeds going to the above)

4) write as many poems under as many mango trees as I can!

5) Organise a mango-poetry & tasting night (or a Mango & Chocolate tasting night! Or a Mango, Chocolate & Male Stripper night! Mmmm....)

6) Make & sell mango t-shirts, badges, keyrings with mango slogans like Mango Freak, Mangoes that go ‘Oh’, Mango Breath.

7) Find out how old the oldest mango tree is (and whether it can be grafted to grow new ones)


mango FReak fo' lyfe.

You Know When You've Been Mangoed :-)

There's this friend of mine - Helen. She always buys me mango stuff when she comes round - even during winter. I wanna marry the woman for the sheer generosity of her gestures, but, alas, she's spoken for :-( (sniffle, sniffle)

Anyway, moving on...

Everytime she comes round, she always brings me something mango - the last time, it was Lush 'you've been mangoed' bath melt - before that, it was Del Monte's mango smoothie ice lolly - and before that, half a box of mangoes! I need to invite this woman to mine, like, everyday!

(BACKGROUND THOUGHT: Is there something Helen did to me in a past lifetime? - that she's (subconsciously) making up for? - did she slay me in a past life & bury my limp body under a mango tree? - I FORGIVE YOU, HELEN, I FORGIVE YOU - WHAT'S THAT?, YOU STILL FEEL BAD?, SO BAD YOU WANNA BUY ME MORE MANGOES? ERM.... OK THEN. :-) )


mango FReak for life

A swarm of mango trees...

I see mango trees all around me,
the only fruit on the island.

Their colours seduce me.

This is the rainbow I wanted.
The one I asked my Mother for.
I thought She'd forgotten
but She was listening all along,
knitting it into Her quilt.


Teeth sink into orange flesh
and a million orgasms explode
in my mouth.


Sticky fingers.
Full belly.
Appeased tongue.


My hands   run over
the rough-smooth texture
of the oldest mango tree
as she bears
her last fruit.



© mango FReak.

Grrr...my nephew doesn't like mangoes...

...he had a nibble...

....and that was it.

Said it was sweet & bitter.  Bitter? What do you mean BITTER. Just because it doesn't taste like chicken mcnuggets doesn't mean it's bitter. Grrrr...

Ok, Ok, I ain't gonna lie - I was relieved I didn't have to share, but c'mon, how can my own flesh and blood not like mangoes?

My nephew's 7 by the way. Adorable eyes. Big big head. I call him isi opiolo which means mango head. Maybe he's rebelling against me for calling him that. I'm proud of him really - for his rebellious nature - just that he picked the wrong fruit to make a point with.

So I shall try again. Get a different variety. No family member of mine shall have blaise tastebuds when it comes to mangoes - oh no.


To be continued...


© mango FReak

Love is...

So, I was at a poetry event last night - really good - and one of the poets asked the audience to sum up 'Love' in one word...


...and I said 'Mangoes'.


What?   What's wrong with that?


Then someone else said 'Unconditional' and the poet oooh'ed and aaah'ed over that word for like a day. I'm like 'What about me?', 'What about meeeeeeeeee?'

Anywayz, deep down inside, I'm thinking she must have really liked my response 'cos she gave me one of her books - a gift - signed and everything! She wrote inside:

Love & Beauty = You.


YOU HEAR THAT, PEOPLE? Luuuuurve + Beaulee Equals ME! Ooooh Weeee!


Please show her some mango-lurve by passing through her site. Her name's Michelle Marie Clarke-Campbell. And her book's called Black Honey.


a mango in all of y'all's palms...


mango FReak.

I.AM.EATING.A.MANGO.RIGHT.NOW...

...and IT.IS. guuuuuuuuuuuud...

My sister bought 9 of them for £2. £2, people!

Now THAT'S a bargain if I ever did see one.

...and I didn't realise just how much I loved my sister 'til she came waltzing in with 9 medium-sized suns in a blue plastic bag.

And there's this guy on TV 'SHOUTING' the word of God like people can't turn up the volume if they needed to hear him better....

...and his whiny voice doesn't irritate me. No.

'cos I'm having me some mango.


I'm about to have another one

but before that, I'm gonna have a lamb patty

in order to appreciate the contrast.


And now the guy on TV is singing - really bad

...but that doesn't irritate me.

I love my sister - I will let her watch what she wants.


And my nephew's just plowed his skinny body through a McDonalds chicken sandwich and 6 chicken nuggets without offering any to me or his mum.

...and that doesn't bother me either.


I have found my zen.


mango FReak

Thank you, Jesus!

Someone who understands!

The pull,
the lull,
the craving,
the peak,
the sigh

The pull,
the lull,
the craving,
the peak,
the sigh

The pull,
the lull,
the craving,
the peak,
the sigh...


Check out what I mean.


mango FReak.

Too Many Mangoes? Neveeeeer....

I just came across this site called Too Many Mangoes.

My first reaction was: Hell no. You crazy? There can NEVER be too many mangoes.

But anyway...

A couple of clicks later and my shoulders slumped. Thought I'd found me a fellow mango freak!

But alas, no. It just seems to be the name of the site and nothing else - can't see any references to mangoes. There's a picture of cranberries (yippee-fucking-yey), but NO MANGOES! Grrrr...

but I shall not let it get me down

I shall not imagine what I could have done with such a name if it was mine

I shall not send Mr 'Too Many Mangoes' threatening emails saying WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - WHHHHYYYYYYIIII?

I shall not direct swarms of spam his way

I shall not paint his door mango-yellow

I shall not turn his eyeballs into mangoes
because then I might eat them
and then he definitely won't be able to 'see' the error of his ways

I shall not let it get me down

I shall think good thoughts

good good thoughts

like soaking my feet in warm mango puree and ginger

like being fed mangoes by Denzel Washington

like winning a year's supply of dried organic mango slices ('cos they're so damn expensive)

like writing beneath a mango tree

like making love beneath a mango tree

like not being able to step out my front door 'cos there are a gazillion tons of mangoes waiting to interview my tongue.


Good thoughts.


mango FReak

Nigeria. 1981.

I was 7 yrs old then. Had just arrived from England.

Everything fascinated me. From the lizards that would nod a 'howdy do' as they passed me by - to the cockroaches who were really black butterflies. And I watched goats bleat 7 times before pushing beautiful small dark balls of shit out their butts - and watched the way these dark pellets would cascade to the ground and settle in a unique constellation.


I can't remember exactly when I met my 1st mango but I can imagine I was probably going about my business (as most Little Miss 7 yr olds do) - and the mango came bouncing along saying 'eat me' and I said 'are you sure?' and it said 'Mm-hmm'. So I did.

And the sun shone through my little belly for the rest of the day.

That night, like most nights, when there was yet another sudden electricity cut and my grandmother felt her way around for the kerosene lamp, I told her not to worry tonight...we wouldn't be needing it...

...as I patted my stomach - ready to release the sun out of my belly button.


© mango FReak

If you were a mango, I'd suck you...

Sweet, juicy, ripe
I'd lick you

Over too soon
I'd regurgitate you
just to relive the experience


Don't care if I get a running stomach
I want all of you

Even if my shit turns mangoey-green
I want all of you

Orange stains on my white blouse
I want all of you

You - my emotional laxative


I've seen a pumpkin
turn into a coach
and rats
turn into coachmen
So I see no reason why
you can't turn into a mango

'cos the 1st deadly sin
I'd gladly commit for you

Your gluttonous concubine
I'm obsessed with you

Raid every fruit store
from India to Africa
to stock up on you

Chutney, salad, smoothie
Get gastronomically sensual with you

Turn Buckingham Palace
into a mango plantation

I dare her to defy you...


© mango FReak